To Live and to Feel

Fickle.

A word I've associated feelings with for the past few years.

Fickle is defined as something that changes quickly. Easily. Hmm, other words may be temporary, unstable. Fickle. Something that we obviously wouldn't want. I mean who wants something that changes so quickly. Such abruptness in our lives, eh?! We want security. We need surety. I need confidence.. you get me? So if our emotions, our feelings, are fickle, they are therefore, temporal. And we must not trust anything with lack of longevity in our lives, right?!

But.. you know what? Emotions are you. It defines us. Directs us. Guides us. You are feeling something right now, in this very moment. Awake. The swift breeze of the morning air. Hunger. The growl in your stomach. Intensity. The beat in your chest slowly..picking..up..pace. It's all a feeling and it all means you're alive. You're a living, breathing human. Made divinely. Experiencing. Feeling. Being. So, we've gotta ask.. what's so bad about that? What's so wrong with, feeling..

When I think of emotions, I immediately think of how I feel.. I think of a cool fall Saturday. With the rain dancing on the frame of the window pain. I feel the breeze through the window with my favorite Sade song playing. I feel the music. I feel my heart. I feel myself. I feel.. I think about love. 

We are connected. To feel is to be one with God. To be aligned with his presence is to feel.. To know Him, purely and with intent. To recognize the whispers of his heart. That is to feel.. now to fear.. thats the latter. This is what we usually equate emotions to. We relate it to situations through inadequacy, because we had a negative feeling. Something happened contrary to what we wanted or expected and we got hurt. Yup. It hurt. Then we blame everything that has to do with feelings as negative, unless it's love then. Yeah we want that. 

He has shown me that both feelings, hurt and love are equally important. Both hold a specific place and to lessen the significance of one feeling over another is lack of trust .. a lack of trust with God and myself. Like, can you admit that? You don't trust yourself. Why else would you refuse to feel? Because, the last time you did that.. The last time you took a chance, it hurt..

The idea we have of being emotional, wearing our hearts on our sleeves, the concept of being sensitive. Is translated as weak, well in the Western side of the world. But ... I cannot stop refuting this idea, because to feel, in any capacity is to be alive. To physically try. To fail and hurt. To redefine. To just go. Its freedom. What else is God? What else are we to be in this life, but free? Is he not freedom? Is he not fluid? Does he no transcend every capacity to define? Are those words from your lips at the attempt to describe how you feel.. fleeting? You feel that? The moment of that nothing compares to and all you can do is just ... feel. 

To feel is to be.

To be is to live.

With awareness. With control. With the knowledge that you're divinely connected to God. Contrary to popular belief, the fact that you have the guts to feel is beautiful. Strength is found here. In knowing what we deserve. In moving higher and believing we can afford better. To be one with God.