Boundaries or beliefs?

What if I told you that your beliefs didn’t exist? Excuse her. Yeah, I know right. But, at the same time, why do you care? Why does it matter if our beliefs are accepted by others? I know you’re probably thinking of a thousand reasons why they should. I’m sure you even bought a book about it. Took a class, watched a webinar? As of now, society understands the multi layered reality that exist for all of us. We restructure our belief system daily through our actions.

Our actions immolate what we believe, period. You live by what you know, what you cling to as life. To be honest, when I think of belief systems I always refer back to religion. I’m sure you can understand why. The belief itself is outlined in detail (understandably can be discussed). This may be a facet of your personal belief system. You may also believe hot sauce goes in the fridge, or that Prince is the better artist than Michael Jackson (my belief lol). Regardless, this point of view is a way we choose to shape our lives. More specifically our personal belief system guides our choices, or the lack of.

Our belief system also creates the framework of the boundaries we create for ourselves. Our boundaries are the results of experiencing. We take our experiences and build upon them with a deciding factor, right? A guiding reference for a personal boundary could be a reference of, “birds of a feather flock together,” but to another this may reflect as limiting one experience by assumption.

I’m 26, my beliefs are constantly changing, because I welcome a life full of new experiences. This doesn’t come easily. More often than not, I feel and find myself repeating similar mistakes. Or refusing to believe that simply, I deserve a new outcome. A downside of this is a misunderstanding is my own personal boundaries. I know this sounds like a slight conflict. Do you feel my pain lol? Either way I understand in order to allow people in and to give myself a chance, I should be able to identify things that benefit and protect my belief system versus the opposite.

Anddd… My friends, that is the ultimate truth about the “other thing,” it’s just your opposite. Everything doesn’t have to be for me. But move around when you know that it’s fulfillment has surpassed you.. So, how do we identify our boundaries that I say are ever changing?

1. Feelings. How is life centered when you feel at your best? Who are you communicating with? What foods are you eating? Shows you’re watching? Books you’re reading? How do your interactions feel? We cannot make all of life’s decisions based upon our feelings. We can grant out feelings the certainty of letting us know when things are off. We may not be able to specifically change the situation, but identifying how you feel allows us to change responses. By changing how we choose to respond, we give that belief back to what matters most.

2. Value. What do you value? We protect things that are valuable to us. Time, money, love. How would you protect those in a way that will facilitate growth? Remember value, not covet, not greed, just what it means to you. Not what it means to anyone else, making this choice for your betterment.

3. Allow. Let your yes to be yes and, no be no. Period. Allowance isn’t force. It isn’t about making your boundaries up for discussion. Why? Because, they’re yours and you don’t have to give that up. Within reason grant those coming with love. Allowance makes room for opportunity, this is likely where our minds change. Without judgement and simply allowing what is good to be.

4. Honesty. I personally quiver reflecting within honesty. This isn’t because, I’m not an honest person. Rather, it’s challenging for me to put my boundaries in place. In honesty we find ourselves reflecting in matters of sacrifice. Understandably, the balance of give and take is in place, but when do we identify, one’s bottom line it met? Being honest and protecting one’s personal boundaries is also extending how we need others to love us. Without discussion we have to assume it is unknown. Give grace where it meets you and love yourself without fault.

with love always,

Aunteia Dashell

Heyyy, it's me ... again

For the longest I’ve been thinking of how I would come back to this place in my life. Dramatic? Yeah I know, right? The thing is I know it doesn’t necessarily matter to you. Nor does that matter. And I’m not negating those who encourage me to do what I love, writing. I realized, it didn’t matter when I “came back,” because it’s just a part of me. Cliché I know, but that’s just it. Everything isn’t that deep, but at the same time it is. I’ll explain, just stay with me.

Nothing can beat those things that make us feel pure. Pure in what makes you feel like the best person. The most clear and practical you. This makes you feel rooted. You know how, every now and again you just, “don’t feel like yourself?” It sucks because, that’s just it. Everything else in life can be running smoothly. Seem to be. But you’re just off. The people you love mean well, because they know what you love, because they love who you are. So asking when’s the last time you did blah, may just be saying something differently? I don’t know. What do we know anyway?

So, where have I been? Probably the same place you’ve been man. Just been living in my head. What does this have to do with anything that I just said? Feeling completely out of one’s element means something that is significant and important about you, needs more attention. You know how if you’re hungry, you might get hangry? Or let’s be basic, going to sleep because you’re tired. You understand sleep is fundamental to life. So, you sleep.

Okay, obviously I’m raggedy because, I cannot put what’s best for me first. How many times do you keep starting over with the things you love? I mean taking care of myself in regards to surviving, duh. Having a job, paying bills, loving your tribe, doing something for myself somewhere in there. But to be on two sides of something can get complicated. To kinda take care of yourself, will promisingly become you not. The proof is there. Because here you are, here I am, again. But, it’s okay. Being here again is living, which is learning. Learning one self-better and growing, that’s the hope.

I’m sure by now you can see my correlation here, right? Writing is one of my many things that make me feel. It makes me feel the most rooted in myself. The closest to God, the most alive, you get me? What is it for you? How often do you care for that part of you? I can almost bet it’s something creative. I hope you give yourself enough grace to visit that space again. To create anew is to let go of the past. Whatever was before is just that. So begin now, again. Let us continue learning how to love ourselves.

So hello again, and thanks for reading my theatrics.

Time¿

I’ve been trying for months to find the right time to post. to write to just do stuff.. I say I want to do. You know what I mean. Ironically, each piece in my draft is about time.. It’s been heavy on my mind. My Mama always told me theres never the right time. You know she’s right. Timing is a belief we use to rationalize our current reality. It helps us make sense of whats going on. Not to mention it gives us structure.

Time is sweet, because it is the faint opportunity we have to live this life. This gift we have to experience love in a relentless capacity. We have so much time, yet we never have enough. At first I had this whole explanation I wanted to share that I thought about how time doesn’t really matter. That regardless just do. But, that’s just half true. Time matters to the extent of it’s importance.. You need to pay your bills on time. You also need to be gentle with yourself. Both are important, both require time.

I do know that we have the gift to respond to time’s call as we wish. The thing is we must respond. What is time telling you right now? There isn’t the right time for you to make your move. Nor is there a bad time. The only foul move is to not trust your own personal choice. Time is equivalent to faith. They walk strongly together. Time only falls short when we move without the guidance of faith.

Heres to us walking in courageous faith. To trusting in our own time. May we respond to our heart’s call with ease and loving of oneself.

with love always,

Aunteia

Listening to Your Breath

How is your breath? Right now. What have you ben thinking about? Whatever it is. The thing you've been thinking about, all day. How does your breath feel about that subject. Person. Place. Thing. Idea. In your life. It’s significance. How does your breath feel, fast or slow? Does it feel strong or weak? Ready or fearful? Can you identify who you are with that breath? Do you hear God in that breath? Are you breathing with God? Are you one? Can you recognize how you feel? Can you give how you feel right now a name?

This space of ultimate vulnerability with ourseleves we rarely take. In some ways its like a leap of faith. The moment you decide to believe in you. In who you are. We open ourseleves up to God. To direction.

Do you feel? Tense? Peace? Light? Heavy? Low? Liberated? Free? Do you feel? Can you? Have you ever allowed yourself this space.? This honest space. Of self knowingness. Sometimes I don't want to feel. Its too intense. Issues, socially economically romantic etc. the ability to open myself up to feel is painful. In this same moment, I'm also aware that to feel is a gift of connectedness to God. When we love a person we are fully in engaged. A mother can feel the pain of her baby's first shot. Lover's can yearn for another. Sibling's have something special I'd say.. My point is that the ability to feel is innate to us. It is us experiencing all that God has gifted in this life. The closest physical representation of God that we can handle here. How did you feel in any new and exciting moment?

Why be ashamed of this gift? To not express how you feel. To really know how you feel, is a gift. Don't dare shut out pieces of God in your life by refusing to feel. Don't push those limits. Because we can. Some do, out of the feeling of fear... I hope into the later half of the year you feel your shoulders tensing around that person. Then you remove them out of your life. I hope your stomach turns flips and you decided this new feeling is great. I hope you allow yourself to feel something you've never heard of before. I hope you allows these whispers of God breathe new life into you. You deserve it. Its already yours anyway.

with love,

Aunteia Dashell

Letting go, Moving on - Same diff

You remember, the other day we talked about letting go. More so how it feels to let go. I think the whole basis of letting go and talking about the "how" to do it gets tricky. Because its different for all of us. To what degree are you attached to whatever it is? The length of time spent appreciating. The one thing I can say undoubtedly is the less we are attached to something. The easier it is for us to pass it. To release that burden. Moving on. 

The definition of attachment is an extra part of extension. So, I take that as the connection. Even more so the depth of a connection with a person or thing. Whatever. The looser the connection the easier it is to go on. Without having the investments, you know? You don't care about gaining love from these sources. These people and places are just there and that's okay.

But, then theres those people, those memories we are connected to. We have invested time. We've without a doubt loved with fluidity. No conditions. Simply love. These connections are the extensions of our hopes. Desires and dreams. This depth is the extra part of our happiness. In no way am I advocating for a person being the source of one's happiness. I am saying we may create joy with a person and create memories of happiness, which they're connected to. 

I was reading an article that discussed letting go. And how our ability of letting go is determined by the truth of our attachment to whatever. The authored begged the same question I did. In asking, how does it feel when you let go. Lighter. Fuller. How we hold onto that feeling and repeat that. The authored said it differently, " What's the body like as we discard these views? What's the breathe like?" I thought of this differently, because when I think of a definition for breathe, I think of a return to God.

God gifted us this breath. I think of this feeling as a sincere breathe. A honest moment with God. In the moments of wanting to let go. We dig deep within for that same breath. The breath of new life and experience a new awakening every time. Each is anew. You do realize that, right? Each breathe you've taken, you never have before and you never will again. Now breathe deep into your stomach, don't you feel God?

Job 33:4, The Spirit of God has made me, and the breath of the Almighty gives me life.

with love always,

You Suck at Letting Go, Me too

Just a quick question, what would happen if you really let go of what you say you've let go of?

Too often I let go of people, habits, and thoughts and turn around and invite them "home," again. And the thing is, it doesn't feel good. It feels like I wanna let go again. The concept is obviously tangible. And we obviously, believe it's possible. We believe with a sliver in us that God has indeed given us this path. We have facts. Proof. Truth to back up this decision. 

What happened when you stayed in that place last time? Have you ever? This place I imagine as where we recognize God's voice as purity. Direction as clarity. Like, a super pristine feeling.

For myself its like a shift in my life happens. As if I've aligned myself with God. Believing that I have received the desires of my heart (Psalm 37:4). Mind you, not will receive.. have. Whatever that may mean for you, identify that feeling and repeat it. 

This is the closest description I can get to without being analytical to "casting all your burdens." To let go and to trust. To affirm. To believe. 

I just wanted this to be a loving reminder that you may stay strong in whatever is strengthening you right now. Don't budge in what you know to be true. Your right now, not even your tomorrow, but your right now needs that from you. Figure out what you need to do to get there. And don't feel ashamed or weird. Believe that if it is freeing you. If you are growing close to God. Please believe, even more that you are beyond amazing. This is how we love ourselves. By choosing ourselves relientlessly. Unforgivingly. 

with love always,